Spring break is here and I couldn't be happier. Despite my determination to stay true to myself and not let my new job take over my life - it totally has. The past three months have been insane and exhausting and confusing all at once. I keep reminding myself that the first year of teaching is supposed to be difficult, that I'm supposed to be feeling this way, but it's hard not to beat myself up over it. I keep thinking that if only I were more organized or better at planning or faster at grading I would be in a better position. While all those points are undoubtedly true, I have to take into account that I need to learn HOW to do all those things, and the only way to learn them is to experience different situations, experiment with different methods and make lots of mistakes. I hate having to make mistakes, but I'm pretty sure it's unavoidable in this profession. I'm still insanely happy not to be substituting anymore, but this career is a lot more intense than I could have imagined. It's really hard!
I've been knitting each morning on the way to work, so I haven't completely stopped my crafting. However, knitting with a lot on your mind is not as fun as carefree knitting. Now that I have a week to catch my breath I was able to sit and crank out a project, just like in the good old days. My mind must have been staved for mindless crafting, because I was able to crank out my Saroyan in just three days. It's blocking now on my bed and pictures will follow tomorrow. I had almost forgotten how good it feels to sit down with your needles and watch a project grow under your hands. I have missed that feeling of satisfaction. I have also finished my second attempt at a February Lady Sweater during my carpool knitting time. I need to get that blocking next. It's smaller than the last one, which I wanted. We'll see how it blocks.
Tomorrow I'm going to sit down and crank out some lesson plans in an attempt to get ahead. I'm already counting down the days until summer. My students are restless since the end of the year is getting close. I'm restless too for that matter. Things will be so much better next year when I get a fresh batch of students that I can establish my expectations with at the very beginning of the year. It's hard to try and fill another teacher's shoes. For now all I can do is try different things and learn from this group of children and prepare myself to start next year off right.
I never thought teaching would be easy, but I had no way of knowing it would be THIS hard. But hey, even in my darkest moments I can always think, "At least I'm not subbing!"