So, tomorrow is the big day. I have my first sub job of the school year lined up. I'm pretty nervous to step back into the classroom after all this time. What if I lost my substitute mojo over the summer? What if the kids are all running amok and I can't make them stop?
These are irrational fears, but that doesn't stop the dread from gnawing at my stomach. I was hoping that I could ease back into the swing of things with a nice high school job, but no such luck. This is a middle school job. Tomorrow I have to don a professional outfit, pack a lunch and head straight into the heart of the war zone.
I have already decided a few things about the upcoming year. First of all, this is going to be the year of "no." I've been timid and foolish in the classroom and that has to come to an end. I'm not letting anyone go anywhere besides the bathroom or the nurses office anymore, no matter how much they badger me or how mad they threaten to get. I used to fold under pressure and permit behaviors I shouldn't have in order to keep the peace. This is not effective and it has to stop.
This is also going to be the year of leaving work at work. I'm determined not to be too stressed out at the end of the day. No one expects a sub to walk into a classroom and make miracles. The kids aren't going to listen to me very well and I need to accept that. It's part of the job. As long as I keep everyone safe and quiet enough I'm counting the day a success and going home happy. My life is too precious to me to waste a second of it thinking about other people's ill behaved children.
I honestly think that the best way to get through this year is to picture the kids as dollar signs and remember that I am in this for the money! More jobs equal more date nights with the hubby, more trips to Disney and more yarn. I'm still searching for a real teaching job, but until then I'm just going to support my little family and try to be at peace with my situation.
Even though I'm insanely nervous for tomorrow, I will at least have something to look forward to at the end of the day. It's the first day of the fall term of the HPKCHC! I am so excited for the classes to be posted! This is one of the things in my life that is my saving grace. Something to be happy about and focus some energy on, since the job search isn't going so well. How happy that it coincides with my first day of school. It's like fate or something.
Full report on the first day tomorrow.